Crip is not always a four letter word

     Despite my outgoing personality in my blog, I really don’t like upsetting or offending anyone. I personally think it’s a little sad that the older I get the less confrontational I am. Now my husband and his two buds might debate this, saying I have to argue about every movie choice and every rule to a game they seem to pull out of the air. And in that instance, I must confess I am an argument instigator just because they are so darn cute when they are at their wits end with me. It’s not a good game night until one of them yells at me. But generally speaking, I think I’m a bit co-dependent, and making everybody happy seems easier to deal with then trying to make my point.

     Kinda like asking “how are you?” Most people just want a simple, one word, positive answer. I take great comfort in the fact that I have two best friends I text a zillion times a day and they do not accept one word answers because they assume when I’m not ranting that I’m either, sad, mad, or depressed; like I’m that needy and predictable, whatever. (hubby says my “whatever” is my closing case in every losing argument…) Whatever!

     I have two requests from readers this week. Doesn’t that sound cool? I have readers. The first was to please consider writing a more serious blog about important disability topics. Ok, this was an easier one to turn down, because between us, that seems like actual work and planning and thinking, so absolutely not. That’s just crazy. I’m kidding. But in all honesty, in my life, I have so many voices that have to be censored to avoid conflict, I just enjoy writing a blog that is sort of my stream of consciousness. And if I can make a few people laugh maybe they will see more of me, and less of the steel framework around me.

     The other request made me cry. I was already having a bad day because I reacted too quickly to a situation that still had the potential to be salvage, but really hasn’t yet. Yes that was meant to be cryptic and to my husband who is still waiting for an apology, that’s about as good as it gonna get. But I digress. A reader asked if I would stop using the word “Crip” because it was what bullies called them in school.

     My initial reaction was of course. Because I do care about others and I know it sounds like a cliché but it does keep me up nights when I know I hurt someone’s feelings But after contemplating it, I wanted to explain why I probably won’t. Of course the word Crip is banished from my disability etiquette class and I’d never roll up to a stranger and yell “Whatssup crip” But this is my personal blog and I’m referring to myself as Crip, no one else. And since I am going through a midlife crisis, this is one of the kinder terms that bounce around in my head.

     I have a friend I made in college. He will probably be a pall bearer at my funeral. I’m not being morbid; I just mean he is one person I shall know for the rest of my life, even though our lives are not always in sync. I wish I could say we chat daily and text frequently, but we don’t, yet somehow our paths always meet at all the important crossroads, Christmases, weddings, and births of children. Besides that, not so much, we “like” the weirdest status comments on each others facebook pages. And oh yeah, he sings to me on my birthday, like clockwork. (yes, that was a shameless reminder.)

     We have really cute pet names for each other, he calls me Crip. And I call him… I call him… I actually can’t tell you what I call him. Because 99% of the world thinks it’s a derogatory term. And I’ve actually have never said it to anyone else. I told my son if he ever uses it, I’d wash his mouth out with soap. My husband once asked can he… I was mortified. No.

     But just between my buddy and I, “Crip” is a term of endearing love. The term reminds me that even if he’s 3,105 miles away, he was one of my first  friends who got my whole being, and for the most part, liked me, even or especially my dark-conflicting self-awareness side very few have seen, and most try to “fix”. And to have that kind of unconditional acceptance in a pet name is something I’m not willing to give up.

     I really do believe in freedom of speech, especially if I’m not poking fun at anyone but myself. I’ll never call anyone crip. Because most of the time it is use with malice, I will stand up to any bullies who are cruel. But for me, in my personal blog Crip is a term of endearment from friends who have seen both the best and worse in me, yet still like me. And that’s kinda cool. Just my thoughts, for I be Thecpchic.