Hey Pat Robertson, Can I Divorce My Husband If He Gets The Flu?
I try to avoid writing about Religion and Politics. Religion because probably a third of my family/friends are Christians, a third are Buddhists, and a third are atheists, and none have ever let me down. How can you argue with the bottom line? Politics, my friends are perfectly balancing both ends of the spectrum, I’m kind of hanging out in the middle. More individual rights in the pursuit of happiness, government help if you’re willing to help yourself. All that jazz. But on rare occasions I hear a news story that leaves me so flabbergasted, I have to publically scream what the hell?
I saw this link on face book “Pat Robertson Says Alzheimer’s Makes Divorce OK”. First let me explain, I laugh at almost everything. I think everyone has their own coping mechanisms to get through life, mine is self-deprecating humor and trying to find laughter in everything. But this headline almost triggered tears immediately. A trusted friend posted it so I had no reason to question its authenticity. But on a headline that is so callus and so anti everything I was taught in Sunday school, I needed to hear it from the asses mouth. And pray that somehow he was misquoted. That quote would be cruel from an axe murderer, let alone from a religious leader. In my opinion this clearly warrants a go-directly-to-hell card for a self proclaimed man of the cloth, or at least a thousand years in the purgatory line. I found the actual video where Robertson made this statement. It was very clear, plain as day. To my knowledge, all his faculties were in tack, making this horrendous statement with a clear mind and forceful intent.
My mind filled with anger, sadness, and questions. In summary, in his interview Robertson states that if a spouse gets Alzheimer’s, their partners may file for a divorce because the spouse is no longer the same person they married and as long as there’s custodial care in place, it’s cool to get a quickie divorce and start a new life. I did not quote him word for word, but this is pretty much what I got from his explanation. So there ya go.
This week, 16 years ago, I was packing for what would be the girls trip that all other trips for the rest of our lives would compare to. I was a writer at a cable network with the unwritten promise that when the network grew up, I’d be the head writer for the 1st major sitcom that centered around a person with a disability. And I was getting serious with my now husband. Man I was da bomb, dang, I’m depressed, but that’s another story,
The best laid plans sometimes bite you in the ass. 16 years later, I’ve transitioned from a walker to a wheelchair. I’ve put on 25 pounds, and I’m currently praying for a interview for a entry level position doing paperwork. (which I’ll squeal with glee if I get and will worship the person who is pushing for this, either way they rock). It’s not such a bad life but honestly, sometimes, I just don’t feel like my younger, optimistic self.
I’m just trying to understand Robertson’s rationalization. If a person “can” get a divorce because one of the cruelest and scariest diseases that I know of, changes their partner, then as far as I see “In sickness and in health” is only a suggestion in vows. So I’m thinking “Till death do you part” might only count in a “ideal situation”. If you get a disease that you have no control over is grounds for a divorce, then we should very well be accountable for our own choices, that may have taken us down other paths then those we so clearly marked out in our wedding vows. If I went to physical therapy everyday I’d probably still be using a walker and still weigh 95 pounds. In Robertson’s reality, can my husband morally leave me? Because he’s a saint, he’ll probably stick around, and it’s not just because we can’t afford to get a divorce, really…
Of course I’m kidding. I’m lucky. I do have one of the good guys. He believes in living miserably ever after for the rest of our lives. And there is great comfort in knowing that. I thought that’s why people got married. I think it’s an extremely dangerous slippery slope to proclaim that Alzheimer is a just cause for divorce. What about other health problems? Cancer? Cerebral Palsy? A man suffering from the flu, which as wives we know is the true test of “in sickness and in health.” It’s extremely irresponsible that Robertson made such a horrendous statement. Even if 99% of his congregation disagrees, he still can influence that 1%. And that’s just sad. I am a great believer that most words, written or not, can be translated and interpreted, but as a hopeless romantic, I had always thought that no truer words can be shared between two people then “In sickness and in health, til death do we part.” I am truly heartbroken that a “Man of God” questioned this very basic idea.
TheCripClassified 
How terrible! As though we ALL don’t change over time. No person is static.
Girl ya better not stub your toe, that might push ya over the line…. ekkk…. no PAT, you suck!
teeheeheeeeeeee
As Rosanne once said, “This is a life sentence with no chance of parole!”
I am assuming that the wall you saw that on was mine because I did indeed post it and it made me sick. My mother was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimers over 8 years ago, at age 55. Before she turned 56, she was unable to work, unable to drive, depressed and confused. My dad sold their home in Ft Lauderdale, where they had lived since I was born, to move to Jacksonville, despite the horrible housing market. He did this because the cost of living in N FL is a lot lower than it is in S FL. A LOT lower. By doing this he was able to retire and stay at home with her and spend as much time with her as possible. My husband and I, who had recently been kicked in the head by Hurricane Wilma and were finding it difficult to recover financially in S FL, decided that we would move to Jax too, both to support my Dad as he watched my Mom decline, and maybe to have a fresh start ourselves in a new place. My mom is 63 now – and for the most part she is gone. She cannot have a conversation with you. When she talks it is mostly gibberish. She wanders around a lot, sometimes finds something like a towel or a photo and slowly tears it to pieces. Last Mothers’ Day when most people were taking their Mom’s to brunch or buying them flowers or sentimental cards, I bought my mom a doll at Babies R Us, one that has snaps and buckles and zippers and ties. Its supposed to help pre-schoolers learn to dress themselves. I was trying to find something to keep my mom busy so she stopped destroying the house. A few months ago, my dad finally did the thing he was dreading the most – he put her in a home. He just couldn’t do it anymore. He felt so guilty and was seeking reassurance that what he was doing wasn’t horrible. EVERYONE told h8im he had nothing to be ashamed of. He lasted much longer caring for her at home, all by himself,, than most people ever would have. For at least 4 years he has been bathing her, dressing her, shaving her legs, toileting her and diapering her, feeding her, following her around to make sure she didn’t hurt herself. Anyone who had ever met my parents before the Alzheimers will tell you, they were like the perfect couple. They were so happy, so very much in love, even though they’d been together since high school. They never fought. Not until the Alzheimers anyway. For a while my Mom lost any patience she had and became frustrated and confused and would sometimes yell at my Dad for taking care of her. It was the only time in my life I had ever seen or heard my Mom say anything bad to or about him and it was heartbreaking. As she slipped further away though, her frustration ceased and I can honestly say for the most part she is happy. She is not angry or combative, like a lot of Alzheimers patients get. We believe its because deep down inside, somewhere, she knows that she is loved. My Dad visits her every day, unless he takes a little vacation, which my sister and I encourage. Its not easy to see a mere shell of a person who used to be so happy and vibrant and funny and loving, and it makes me sad that there are things I never said to her or told her before she slipped away. I can only imagine its a thousand times worse for my Dad who has watched his wife, his best friend, the mother of his children slowly slip away bit by bit over a course of a few years. I have many friends who have lost one or both parents, and while in no way will I say the death of a parent is an easy thing to swallow or to get over, at least you have a grieving period and can move on. My family has been grieving for 8 years, every time she lost a litle more of herself. Despite that, we we still love her. She is my Mom. She is his wife. One of my friends even commented on some recent pics I took of my Mom and Dad together that you can tell he is still so much in love with her. I know not all men are like my Dad, and not all couples are like my parents. I have known they they are special and not the norm of the state of marriage, since I was a little girl I have known this. But even so.. to have that so-called Christian tv evangelist come out on his religious based television show and actually say that to divorce your spouse if they get Alzheimers is okay because its basically like they are dead to you… well, I had a few very non-Christian thoughts of my own. I got married in church and I seem to recall vowing to be true for better or worse, in sickness and in health… what the hell happened to that? Because at this moment right now, I cannot think of anything worse than Alzheimers. Its a cruel heartless disease that is one of the leading causes of death in the country and to date has absolutely no effective treatment, prevention, or cure. Nor does there seem to be any on the horizon.
Sorry to hijack your blog, Claire. My comment is probably longer than what you wrote. But I knew where you had seen the post since I was the one who posted it, and as you can tell, I can still taste the bile it brought to my throat. Thanks for lettin me vent. Like you could stop me.. bahahaha!